Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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