ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
