Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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