the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
