oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
