Will you blow on my dice?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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