I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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