If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
