I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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