don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
