The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
