Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
