Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
