I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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