we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
