My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
