Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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