hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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