i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
