cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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