is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
