too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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