once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
