rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
