I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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