I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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