let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I believe in your delicious
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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