Don't you send me to vm
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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