wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
