Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
