Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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