U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
