I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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