I'm gonna have a badass scar
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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