meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
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