I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
