I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
