there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
