Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Randomize
