So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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