he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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