No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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