"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
