We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
