READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
