see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
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