That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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