just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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