Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
