yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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