She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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