Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
