$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
