Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
