Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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