my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
