I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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