i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
