I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
