He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
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Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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