Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Congratulations! We have a period
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