My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
