me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
