I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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