I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
