White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
