How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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