my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
