Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
