Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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