I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
