dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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