I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You smell like stripper and shame
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
