my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
