She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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