You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
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Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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