Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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