Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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