The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
