I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I have fence marks all over my body
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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