Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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